banning a friend

**Levoni** · 12-26-2008, 01:29 PM

I have a forum that hasn't got a large number of regular members. There's a lot of member interaction, and people get attached to other people. One of the girls started talking to me on msn about three years ago, and she considers me one of her best friends. However she and I have a very rocky relationship.
She has upset many people on my forum. To the point that they have left to avoid her. I don't have many members who post a lot, and they're the ones she drove off. I recently found out exactly how many have been driven off because of her, and I know there are more not on that list who are disgruntled and just drifting away from the forum. I never banned her for her shennannigans, because though she caused mass forum drama, it was all on msn or PM, and most of it wasn't on the forum itself. I've not banned any actually active members in my entire three and a half year running of this forum.
I've suddenly got at least 10 people complaining about her and saying that she's the reason why they left, and that they're mad that she gets away with all sorts of rubbish. (They'd probably be able to get away with it too... ) And that it's favouritism because I talk to her on msn. She always manages to manipulate or convince me that I'm in the wrong if I tell her off for something she did, even if I'm furious or very upset.
My almost mods are calling for her to be banned.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm leaning towards 'ban' but I don't know how to go about it.

**markblair** · 12-27-2008, 02:41 AM

Could your forum survive with just you and her posting? Probably not. Could your forum survive with 10+ people posting and referring their friends to help build your community? Absolutely. Friend or no friend, if she is causing a disruption and she is not willing to change then she must go. To be honest she should have received a 7 or 14 day ban a long time ago from what it sounds. Then if you had to ban her permanently there would be no surprise about it. It might be too late to get those other members back. Once they started to complain you should have taken the issue seriously and talked with her about some of the complaints. Even if you ban her now, which I believe sounds like the best option, those other members might be too mad to return knowing she got away with so much for so long. As I said though, she needs to stop whatever she is doing to tick people off or she needs to leave. If she won't leave on her own then you need to be the one to show her the door.

**spurssheriff** · 12-28-2008, 08:29 AM

Is this true, do you have proof, or do you think those 10 plus people just decided to gang up on her because of your friendship with her? Are they just jealous of it? Some people can be so petty about a relationship, even if it's only friendship, that they could just be starting rumors and riling other posters up.

**Levoni** · 12-28-2008, 09:24 AM

Yes, I have proof. Many many examples of it. Like recently she made one of my members, who was quite prolific, all nervous and anxious that no one wanted to read his posts. Called him arrogant. When no one else feels like that at all- he's now too self concious to post. She's pulled all sorts of friendships apart.

I took the complaints seriously, I just didn't realise it was why people was leaving, and I was trying to fix it through other means. I didn't do nothing, I just didn't ban her- I told her off though. I was sort of like 'well, she's doing it on msn and it's a personal dispute'.

Yeah, I know I probably won't be able to get them back. I just don't want it to happen again.

**Levoni** · 01-03-2009, 11:34 AM

*sigh* it's done.

**Moelman** · 01-03-2009, 10:03 PM

It's never fun to ban a friend, but if they truly are your friend then they should be able to listen to you and stop causing trouble before it goes as far as it did.

**Levoni** · 01-03-2009, 10:56 PM

The girl has a lot of issues, and she doesn't realise she's doing it until afterwards.

**dually** · 01-12-2009, 08:00 PM

You did the right thing. I had to ban a member that I have been friends with for over 5 years in fact we started the forum together. When we moved the group from a free yahoo site to our current site I took over all of the administrative functions due to my working at home and having the time. He soon became very jealous about the success of the group. We grew from 18 members to 270. I know this may not seem like a lot of members for an online forum but we are a camping group and many of us meet in person on a regular basis. It is not unusual for there to be 30 to 50 people at a forum camp out. Anyway he became quite the pain in the rear talking about members mostly me via pm's so I had to ban him. It caused quite a ruckus for a while but once he was gone and the membership realized what he was doing most were happier. We only lost two members because of it and they did not participate that much anyway. I let the situation go on much too long and in hind sight should have banned him months earlier.

**600rr** · 02-13-2009, 12:43 PM

You Need Good SEO To get around lot of member. i start my forum 1 year ago so far 30,000 member

UltimateOreo · 02-15-2009, 07:23 PM

If you still want to be friends with her you should talk to her, ask her why she has to upset your members is it her thing? - Is this what she likes doing in real life? Annoying people - sounds like your best buds for life now.

12-26-2008, 01:29 PM	#1
Levoni Groupie Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 49	banning a friend I have a forum that hasn't got a large number of regular members. There's a lot of member interaction, and people get attached to other people. One of the girls started talking to me on msn about three years ago, and she considers me one of her best friends. However she and I have a very rocky relationship. She has upset many people on my forum. To the point that they have left to avoid her. I don't have many members who post a lot, and they're the ones she drove off. I recently found out exactly how many have been driven off because of her, and I know there are more not on that list who are disgruntled and just drifting away from the forum. I never banned her for her shennannigans, because though she caused mass forum drama, it was all on msn or PM, and most of it wasn't on the forum itself. I've not banned any actually active members in my entire three and a half year running of this forum. I've suddenly got at least 10 people complaining about her and saying that she's the reason why they left, and that they're mad that she gets away with all sorts of rubbish. (They'd probably be able to get away with it too... ) And that it's favouritism because I talk to her on msn. She always manages to manipulate or convince me that I'm in the wrong if I tell her off for something she did, even if I'm furious or very upset. My almost mods are calling for her to be banned. I'm not sure what to do. I'm leaning towards 'ban' but I don't know how to go about it. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

12-27-2008, 02:41 AM	#2
markblair Forum Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,956	Could your forum survive with just you and her posting? Probably not. Could your forum survive with 10+ people posting and referring their friends to help build your community? Absolutely. Friend or no friend, if she is causing a disruption and she is not willing to change then she must go. To be honest she should have received a 7 or 14 day ban a long time ago from what it sounds. Then if you had to ban her permanently there would be no surprise about it. It might be too late to get those other members back. Once they started to complain you should have taken the issue seriously and talked with her about some of the complaints. Even if you ban her now, which I believe sounds like the best option, those other members might be too mad to return knowing she got away with so much for so long. As I said though, she needs to stop whatever she is doing to tick people off or she needs to leave. If she won't leave on her own then you need to be the one to show her the door. __________________ Mark Blair To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - "Where Professionals Discuss Web Hosting"

12-28-2008, 09:24 AM	#4
Levoni Groupie Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 49	Yes, I have proof. Many many examples of it. Like recently she made one of my members, who was quite prolific, all nervous and anxious that no one wanted to read his posts. Called him arrogant. When no one else feels like that at all- he's now too self concious to post. She's pulled all sorts of friendships apart. I took the complaints seriously, I just didn't realise it was why people was leaving, and I was trying to fix it through other means. I didn't do nothing, I just didn't ban her- I told her off though. I was sort of like 'well, she's doing it on msn and it's a personal dispute'. Yeah, I know I probably won't be able to get them back. I just don't want it to happen again. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

01-03-2009, 11:34 AM	#5
Levoni Groupie Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 49	sigh it's done. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

01-03-2009, 10:03 PM	#6
Moelman The Webmaster Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Michigan, USA Posts: 3,328	It's never fun to ban a friend, but if they truly are your friend then they should be able to listen to you and stop causing trouble before it goes as far as it did. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - The Largest LucasArts Gaming Community on the Internet To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - tell me your comments! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - Your #1 place to discuss all things World of Warcraft.

12-28-2008, 08:29 AM	#3
spurssheriff Rookie Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 25	Is this true, do you have proof, or do you think those 10 plus people just decided to gang up on her because of your friendship with her? Are they just jealous of it? Some people can be so petty about a relationship, even if it's only friendship, that they could just be starting rumors and riling other posters up.

01-03-2009, 10:56 PM	#7
Levoni Groupie Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 49	The girl has a lot of issues, and she doesn't realise she's doing it until afterwards. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

01-12-2009, 08:00 PM	#8
dually Rookie Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 21	You did the right thing. I had to ban a member that I have been friends with for over 5 years in fact we started the forum together. When we moved the group from a free yahoo site to our current site I took over all of the administrative functions due to my working at home and having the time. He soon became very jealous about the success of the group. We grew from 18 members to 270. I know this may not seem like a lot of members for an online forum but we are a camping group and many of us meet in person on a regular basis. It is not unusual for there to be 30 to 50 people at a forum camp out. Anyway he became quite the pain in the rear talking about members mostly me via pm's so I had to ban him. It caused quite a ruckus for a while but once he was gone and the membership realized what he was doing most were happier. We only lost two members because of it and they did not participate that much anyway. I let the situation go on much too long and in hind sight should have banned him months earlier.

02-13-2009, 12:43 PM	#9
600rr Lurker Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 12	You Need Good SEO To get around lot of member. i start my forum 1 year ago so far 30,000 member

02-15-2009, 07:23 PM	#10
UltimateOreo Groupie Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 32	If you still want to be friends with her you should talk to her, ask her why she has to upset your members is it her thing? - Is this what she likes doing in real life? Annoying people - sounds like your best buds for life now.

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