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Some light hearted comments and guidelines...
11-29-2005, 10:16 AM
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 Title: Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 841  | Some light hearted comments and guidelines... Just think about all those lovely Friday/Saturday nights we've all been out on and then think about the morning after  SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FLOOR: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar.
__________________ John ♫ www.theMouthPiece.com - Brass music discussion ♫ www.DeFuturo.com - Legal discussion and advice for forum & website owners ♫ www.vBXtra.com - All new and exciting vBulletin styles, customisation and conversion  | ||||
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11-29-2005, 03:31 PM
| #2 |
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 Title: Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 525 Location: *points to map* Here!  
| LMAO I remember these from when I worked in a pub. We had them pinned up behind the bar along with other amusing signs that we had found (One read "The impossible we can do now. Miracles take a little longer").
__________________  Proud First Member of the Shellspeare Fan Club Member of the Danny Fanclub Proud foster user of tMM Moonlight's Bar | ||||
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