Have you heard or read some funny jokes? Stories? One-liners? Post 'em here... :blaf:



EXCUSES TO AVOID AN UNWANTED HOLIDAY INVITATION

I'd love to come but...

... I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.

... I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.

... I'm attending the opening of my garage door.

... I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.

... I'm teaching my ferret to sing "Silent Night."

... My new product's patent is pending.

... I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.

... I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.

... My plot to take over the world is coming together.

... None of my socks match.

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LMAO That's funny. Maybe I should use a couple of those to turn down the parties that I can't make...

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1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ner-a-bul) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a groin protector.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (fla-chu-lents) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ree-mote kon-trole) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

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