I am sure most of you who have seen this, but I thought I would pass it along.

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word. He knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who worked at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped
up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and
yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked
to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and
sat down. An older couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any? A true story. We had a female news anchor that, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out
peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights
lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other
Stewardess got a message from the pilot that the tower said the wind
had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and
to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced:

"Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking
off". No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all
the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the
passengers.

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I call bs on this one. I golf and have never seen "women balls" lol

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Ford Mustang Forums - F-Series Trucks

I had read some of these before, very funny.

Edit:http://www.geardirect.com/products/G...omens/8640.cfm

Seems they are lighter...

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This one cracks me up

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...some super-sweet signature

some good laughs in there...

I did a good one I did sat night, was at a bar, completely loaded and talking to a really cute chick, after talking for a min or two I asked her name, she says trish... now being completely obliterated I say, whats that short for? And then realise im a complete moron, head to the nearest bartender and order another shot and another beer.

Needless to say I went home alone.

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I was cracking up on that one also.

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That one was easily the best one, so funny.

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I actually saw that one in video format. VERY funny look on her face!

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I went to Vegas, and all I got was this Blister. - true story!